A Serbian film

Wednesday, 1 am.- Despite all the warnings, recommendations not to watch it under any conditions, I decided to be open-minded and brave and watch “A Serbian film” anyway. And it stirred me some much and so deeply that I have to write about it right now, although it’s 1am. Who could sleep after watching something like that anyway??
The movie is brutal, it’s hard, it’s sick, it’s complex, but most of all, the movie is simply SAD and touching. I cannot stop thinking about it, knowing it’s a movie and that it’s not real, but I want to magically teleport myself in it and make it different. I felt such compassion much for the main characters that I want to warn Milos to get the hell out of the country before he’s approached by Vukmir. Yes, I am that deeply touched.

I understand “what the director wanted to say” with the movie itself – our, Serbian, society is being humiliated, abused, raped, beaten up, slaughtered, drugged, killed. We are all Milos, trying to make the ends meet, struggling to stay alive. The authorities are Vukmir and his allies who molest this people so badly, we could compare it to raping. If we accept it, we’re going to suffer heavy consequences which will drive us mad and there will be no way out. I agree with the director that we are generally blind for the evil – we’d rather close our eyes and pretend evil does not happen. So, since all other signs and proofs of that abuse would not work, the director decided to exaggerate it fiercely and bizarrely – to make us think about it, wanted or not, after we see the film. I think this is the point of the movie – to FORCE you to think and react, in order not to end up like Milos, in a metaphorical way though.

However, I still have not been able to understand why it is tagged “Serbian”. In the most difficult, shocking, stomach-churning, painful, tear-jerking and heart-breaking scene, the crazy director in the movie (not the real director, Srdjan Spasojevic), says “There you go, a real Serbian family”. From the movie we realize he is an orphan and thus despises all mothers who abuse or have abandoned their children. His jealousy and pain might be the reason to show a real family as twisted psychos, who do not deserve to live. He feels an urge to revenge to all mothers who had ever molested their children. He is a classic example of mentally ill serial killers that we’ve seen in so many, mostly American. But, again, why Serbian movie? If, on the other hand, the director wanted to slam us in the face, making us aware of the problem of trafficking, where women often end up in sick porn industry, where men rape and eventually kill them, it happens elsewhere in the world, not just here. And I DO NOT want to think that it happens in the same extent to which it is presented it the film. Do things presented in the movie really happen??? Does the movie represent Serbian living, which is difficult, stressful, twisted and does it mean there is no way out, no help, but to commit a suicide? This movie left such a scar on my mind and heart, that I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same, if I’ll ever think the same. I guess I might be able to stop thinking about it when/ if I figure out why it is called “Serbian”.

I might be able to discover it in the morning, since my body is sleeping, although my mind is struggling. Maybe the solution will come right up, when I sleep on it. IF I am able to sleep at all.

Wednesday, 2:24pm – I hardly slept. I did not dream about it, however, I woke up 3-4 times a night, with the scenes from the movie on my mind and the lingering question “Why Serbian movie, why Serbian movie, what’s the point of the last raping scene, etc…?”. My mind refused to think about anything else and it’s still struggling. I am trying to think of some nice things, but it is not working. I feel as if the movie was real and as if I were a cousin of the main characters. I feel the pain and sorrow, as if I had really lost someone I love dearly.

If Spasojevic really wanted to leave us dumbfounded and gaping, well, he certainly achieved that. I’ve been wondering all day if it is possible that such things really happen. Is it possible there are people who are THAT twisted, sick and demented? Are there really poor girls who accept to appear in porns, not knowing they would be actually be raped and brutally murdered in the end? I guess I’l never find out.

Nevertheless, I do not repent for having seen it. I might even see it again. I am glad a movie finally managed to make me think.